A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door.

A is for Arteries. You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

One rainy Sunday afternoon, a young couple were on their way to their Church to get married. On the way there, their car lost control and slammed into a telephone pole - killing them both instantly.

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.

The person who invented this sentence is either a Vocabulary genius or is absolutely jobless.

A man is having a few drinks at a bar when he looks over and notices a drunk guy passed out at a table nearby. The bartender tells him the drunk is Mr. Murphy and asks the man if he could drive Mr. Murphy home.

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a redhead with three small children running around at her feet.