fat lady jokes

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And the parrot said...
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work.
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Safe Smoking
One day two old ladies were standing outside the nursing home casually having a smoke. After being outside for a while it started to rain on them.
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Which hole?
A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing...
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Lost Bag
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of shopping at the mall. It was found by an honest little boy, who returned it to her.
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Salesman
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young ...
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Lost cat
- Hi, police department? I've lost my cat and... - Sorry lady, this is not a police job, we are too busy ...
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Hospital Patient

A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

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The Bible
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother...
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Beer and Ice Cream Diet

As we all know, it takes 1 calorie to heat 1 gram of water 1 degree centigrade. Translated into meaningful terms, this means that if you eat a very cold dessert (generally consisting of water in large part), the natural processes which raise

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Super granny

An elderly lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her car. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have

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In the drugstore
A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. "Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?" "To kill my husband."
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At Wal-Mart
A lady goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her hubbie. She doesn't know which one to get, so walks over to the register. A Wal-mart associate is standing there with sunglasses on. She says, "Excuse me sir ... can you tell me anythi
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Christmas Day
Why is getting Christmas presents for your kids just like a day at the office? You do all the work ...
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A Marriage made in heaven

One rainy Sunday afternoon, a young couple were on their way to their Church to get married. On the way there, their car lost control and slammed into a telephone pole - killing them both instantly.

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Wasting your time

A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen.

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Stupid Company
 A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, ...
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Coming On like Thunder
Thor, the Viking God of Thunder, and his pal Odin were up in Valhalla, when suddenly Thor said to Odin, "It's been a long time now. I really need to have sex."
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Embarrassing moments

A radio station in Australia recently ran a phone-in competition to find the most embarrassing moments in the lives of their listeners.

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