fuck me jokes

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displaying 91-120 out of 239
IRS and the gambler

During an IRS audit, the auditor looked at the tax payer and exclaimed "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS fin

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Old Cowhand
An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair ...
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Three-Kick Rule
A Yankee lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a ...
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The game
A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the windo
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Scouse vasectomy
After having their 11th child, a Scouse couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
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Rugby Fans
A Welsh rugby fan, a Irish rugby fan and an English fan are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled ...
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Smuggling sand
Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"...
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Only one wish

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared.

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Great Liar
A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the ...
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Bad Nuns

One day there were four nuns in line for confessional. The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."

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Speeding
A woman driver is pulled over by a policeman. "Is there a problem, Officer?" "Yes, madam, you were speeding.
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Cakes and Ale

Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued...

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The nonconformist bird
There once was a nonconformist bird that decided not to fly south for the winter. He said "I've had enough of this flying south every winter, I'll just stay right here on this farm, what's the big deal, anyway?"...
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The Centipede

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man r

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Different vacations

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different! The last few years, I took your advice

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A Marriage made in heaven

One rainy Sunday afternoon, a young couple were on their way to their Church to get married. On the way there, their car lost control and slammed into a telephone pole - killing them both instantly.

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Hearing Aid
A man was telling his neighbor, `BR>`BR>"I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but ...
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Till death do we part
An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take all his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you.
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Bible advice

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show.

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displaying 91-120 from a total of 239