fuck me jokes

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displaying 91-120 out of 239
Bad Nuns

One day there were four nuns in line for confessional. The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."

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Speeding
A woman driver is pulled over by a policeman. "Is there a problem, Officer?" "Yes, madam, you were speeding.
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Cakes and Ale

Here is a true story someone found regarding exams at Cambridge University. It seems that during an examination one day a bright young student popped up and asked the proctor to bring him Cakes and Ale. The following dialog ensued...

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The nonconformist bird
There once was a nonconformist bird that decided not to fly south for the winter. He said "I've had enough of this flying south every winter, I'll just stay right here on this farm, what's the big deal, anyway?"...
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The Centipede

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man r

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Different vacations

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different! The last few years, I took your advice

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Once Is Enough
A sale representative stops at a small manufacturing plant in the Midwest. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift.
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Tragedy
George W. Bush was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings.The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word "trage
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Camping trip

Sherlock Holmes & Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.

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Lucky Number
After leaving the racetrack Bill bumped into his old friend Peter on the bus.'Say,' Peter said, 'How is it going?' 'Going?
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Kiss And Slap

A young technician and his general manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

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Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on

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Talking to god

Little Jimmy was laying about on a hillock in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God.

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Survival
At the plane crash site, one lone survivor sat with his back against a tree, chewing on a bone. As ...
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Christmas Tree
One particular Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip....but there were problems everywhere.
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Wanna Watch
One day at school Little Johnny and his friends were talking. His friend Tom was showing off his new watch ...
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Help to the stranger
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a
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My word

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye. CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

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The bathroom confession
One day a priest was in the confessional and he had to go to the bathroom. Not number 1 but number 2. So he opens the door to the confessional and sees Bobby the janitor. He called him over and said,..
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displaying 91-120 from a total of 239