fuck me jokes

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displaying 91-120 out of 239
The Centipede

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man r

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Different vacations

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different! The last few years, I took your advice

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Once Is Enough
A sale representative stops at a small manufacturing plant in the Midwest. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift.
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Tragedy
George W. Bush was visiting an elementary school, and the 4th grade class he sat through began a discussion related to words and their meanings.The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the class in a discussion of the word "trage
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Camping trip

Sherlock Holmes & Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.

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Lucky Number
After leaving the racetrack Bill bumped into his old friend Peter on the bus.'Say,' Peter said, 'How is it going?' 'Going?
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Kiss And Slap

A young technician and his general manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

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Poor guy

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on

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Talking to god

Little Jimmy was laying about on a hillock in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God.

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Clean hungover
Larry wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing ...
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Worst Day
There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour.
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Valentine dream
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that ...
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Turbulent weather
A jet ran into some turbulent weather. To keep the passengers calm the flight attendants brought out the beverage carts...
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Einstein's chauffeur
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work.
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Military quotes

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." -Infantry Journal, "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.." -U.S. Air Force Manual

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Why Parents get gray hair
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
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displaying 91-120 from a total of 239