fuck me jokes

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displaying 211-239 out of 239
Tools of the Trade
Over the years, people have often asked me to explain the various concepts of marketing. The following analogies might help ...
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Jesus is watching you
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!" Silence returned to the house, so...
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Smart monkey
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and, while he's nursing it, the monkey runs wild.
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Commit suicide
I remember back in 1995 i went over to my neighbors house. She was a blonde and for some reason she was mad at the world. She was in the bathroom and the door was locked...
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Pretend we are married
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the w
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Overworked
For a couple years I 've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 237 million.
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Deep hole

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole. "Wow...that looks deep." "Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."

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Devil Lawsuit
There was a construction worker who was working on a building when he fell 15 stories to his bloody death. ...
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Jet fuel
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in ATLANTA. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
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Children & Proverbs

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. Their insight may surprise you.

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Confessions of a kid

Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.

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Toughest Golf Shot
A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed like an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, ...
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Hello father
Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father O'Rafferty.
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A theory on hell
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term: "Is Hell exothermic [gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof...
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Hell under construction
There was a construction worker who was working on a building when he fell 15 stories to his bloody death. He arrived at the pearly gates and St. Peter said ''Oh, I am sorry, my son. But you have been sentenced to hell. The worker agreed --
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Does it hurt?

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and claims that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

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