fuck me jokes

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displaying 211-239 out of 239
A Good Sleep
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You;ve got to have a ...
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Gardening

An elderly Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

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Dear Pc Tech
Dear PC Tech, I upgraded last year from Fiance 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I observed that the new software started to do unexpected changes to the accounting sheets, restricted my access to the Flower and Jewelry applications, which earlier, under Fiance
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Ventriloquist
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going ...
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Twenty bucks
A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200 he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do thi
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The porch

A beautiful blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy-woman', and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

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3 great kings
Little Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?
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That's Once
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.
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Christmas office party

After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

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A Marriage made in heaven

One rainy Sunday afternoon, a young couple were on their way to their Church to get married. On the way there, their car lost control and slammed into a telephone pole - killing them both instantly.

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Hearing Aid
A man was telling his neighbor, `BR>`BR>"I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but ...
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Till death do we part
An old man was on his death bed. He wanted badly to take all his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you.
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Bible advice

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show.

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A theory on hell
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term: "Is Hell exothermic [gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?..
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Heaven and Hell
One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resource Director was tragically hit by a bus and ...
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The Wish
A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant.The waitress asks, "What will it be?"
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Glasgow Girl
An eighteen year-old girl in Glasgow goes home to see her mum and tells her that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shoutin
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