fuck me jokes

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displaying 211-239 out of 239
Christmas Tree
One particular Christmas a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip....but there were problems everywhere.
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Wanna Watch
One day at school Little Johnny and his friends were talking. His friend Tom was showing off his new watch ...
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Help to the stranger
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a
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My word

BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye. CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.

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The bathroom confession
One day a priest was in the confessional and he had to go to the bathroom. Not number 1 but number 2. So he opens the door to the confessional and sees Bobby the janitor. He called him over and said,..
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Safe Smoking
One day two old ladies were standing outside the nursing home casually having a smoke. After being outside for a while it started to rain on them.
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The Pirate

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar. The two men take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas.

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Train
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a ...
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Bad Day
There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour.
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Revelation and Genesis
A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took ou
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Worst Day
There's this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour.
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Valentine dream
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that ...
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Turbulent weather
A jet ran into some turbulent weather. To keep the passengers calm the flight attendants brought out the beverage carts...
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Einstein's chauffeur
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work.
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Military quotes

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." -Infantry Journal, "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.." -U.S. Air Force Manual

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Why Parents get gray hair
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
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Lunch
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked,
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Love Dress

A mother-in-law stopped unexpectedly by her son's house after he was recently married. She rang the doorbell and stepped into the house to see her daughter-in-law standing naked by the door.

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Chasing elephants

A man is driving on a city bus with a newspaper on his knee. From time to time, he rips a piece off, ripping that piece into smaller ones and throwing them out the window.

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