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Safety Lecture
All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture", and their other announcements a bit ...
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Ten Dollars is Ten Dollars
Stumpy Grinder and his wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. ...
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Ground crew
After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then the pilots review the gripe she
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Stuck in a plane
George Bushes, father Bush and son Bush, Bush, Jr., are on board a small two seater plane when ...
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The traffic notice

A highway patrol officer has admitted writing "kitchen bitch" as the occupation of a Greymouth teenager on an infringement ticket he issued her.

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19 Amy Winehouse Short Jokes
Q: Which movie starring Amy Winehouse is getting Oscar buzz? ...
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Heaven and Hell
One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resource Director was tragically hit by a bus and ...
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Religious golfing

Moses, Jesus, and an old man are golfing.

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Moses and Jesus
Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the
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Canadian blonde
An elderly blonde lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The now widowed blonde, lived on the farm with her son
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Amy Winehouse Short Jokes
Q: Which movie starring Amy Winehouse is getting Oscar buzz? A: "Coke Whore" Q: Whats worse than having Britney Spears as a mom?
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Military quotes

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." -Infantry Journal, "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.." -U.S. Air Force Manual

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Chinese translations
Dung On Mai Shu -- I stepped in excrement Ai Wan Tu Bang Yu --Let's sleep together Ar U Wun ...
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Flight In Jeopardy

A Northwest flight while enrout from Houston to Minneapolis lost an engine.

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Airplane Ride
A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.
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Two priests on vacation

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

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Why Parents get gray hair
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
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Foreign Signs
1. Cocktail lounge, Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
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Forgive Me Father
This man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned." The priest asks if he ...
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Scientifically Santa
There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of ...
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Actual Notes Given to Teachers
My son is under a doctor's care and should not ...
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Actual Answering Machine Messages
Actual answering machine answers recorded and verified by the world-famous ...
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An engineer's view of Santa
No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are ...
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Capitalism and Cows
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. ...
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Things you would never know without the movies
* During all police investigations, it will be necessary to ...
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Whispering child
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of ...
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Kid to the phone
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of ...
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Gorilla job

This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide.

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Fish and cat story
One spring day, a fish was swimming about a foot below the surface of a lake and saw a fly hovering just out of striking distance. The fish said to itself, "If that fly comes six inches closer...
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Homer Simpson's Words of Wisdom - 1
D'oh! Ah, beer. The cause of and the solution to ...
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